Who I Am, Who I'm Not, and What I Want to Be.

Throughout courses and my experiences in the last six months or so of graduate school, I have come across some issues that really strike home to me.  They were character defining discussions that have helped me to realize the type of administrator, friend, peer, and educator I want to be.  However, I cannot help but have this sinking feeling that I will eventually lose sight of that person.  I will lose sight of the thinker, dreamer, and innovator I am in graduate school, when thinking outside the box is typically valued.  The pessimism I see out of my peers and co-workers is not something I want for myself.  So, in light of these fears, I have decided to create a visible document of who I am, who I'm not, and who I want to be.  (This is in fact a line from a song by The Fray and no I will not cite this APA style.  I refuse.)  This document will be written in my own handwriting, framed, and hung in plain view of somewhere I am everyday.  In this blog post, I will highlight some of things that have run through my mind.  In many of these, you may realize they are situational.  It may be I have never experienced the real life situation before and therefore my theoretical idea of how I will act or react is unlikely or unreasonable.  Either way, these are my goals for myself.  I want to remember the person I am now in hopes of being a better person later. 
Here are some of my ideas:

1.) I hope to always remember that I was once a freshmen, first generation, undergraduate, and graduate student.  The type of student may change, but no matter what, I started at ground zero.  I was petrified too.

2.) The phrase "do not re-invent the wheel" is unacceptable to use. It prevents innovation. 

3.) Do not turn a blind eye to student needs simply because, you "do not have enough funding," or "That isn't politically correct or socially acceptable."  Creativity should be valued, and money should never limit the learning opportunities I provide to students.

4.) There is never a teaching moment, always a learning moment. This is not just for students, but for myself as well. 

5.) I may be the boss, but it doesn't mean I'm a better person.

6.) Smiling at students, peers, faculty, and administrators is one of the best ways to bridge a gap. 

7.) Complaining without action solves nothing. Your hands are only tied until you untie them. 

8.) It is okay to be rejected, to say no, and to disagree.

9.) Numbers are important, but not the end all be all. 

And my final goal for myself...

10.) If you no longer feel like being at work early or on time...you are not doing the job you were meant to. 

Although some of these things may show my lack of experience, I think they are goals and ideas to uphold as long as possible. 

As I grow and change in this profession, I hope to remember who I am, who I'm not, and who I want to be. 

What's Happening to Me

The last week or two has been filled with busyness beyond belief.  (What a wonderful alliteration!) From flying out to family for a celebration of life, to work obligations, it all feels like I'm spinning more plates than I can handle.  Everyone wants my time and I just want to keep it for myself.  It has become quite apparent that I need to start giving my time to those who need it and deserve it most.  For example, my homework, assistantship, and me will be the first to get their share.  It is only fair.  The priorities of graduate student in Student Affairs requires this in my opinion.  

Part of the reason my time seems so valuable is the treacherous job search ahead of me.  Each meeting we have with professionals, the more this aspect is being pushed.  I am applying for jobs, but they make it sound like I won't find one until I apply to 80+ positions.  How many times can I write my address and qualifications before I obtain carpal tunnel? As I apply to these jobs, I'm thinking about what my life could look like in this new location.  I have never lived outside of the Midwest and many jobs that interest me are in the Southwest region.  None of my family members are there and I haven't even visited.  It is not that I expect these places to be a wonderful dream land, I'm just curious. 

The longer I job search, the more I feel myself growing up.  I've worked in a full time position before and lived in my own apartment, but that doesn't feel real now.  I almost wonder what's happening to me?  Am I ready to completely on my own?  Am I ready to live away from my greatest support system for the adventure and experiences of a lifetime?  My first answer is, yes.  Yes, I am ready to use all of the skills I have attained and will attain to be successful.  My second answer is maybe.  Maybe I'll be so frustrated and homesick I'll move home after only a year. My last answer is, I don't know.  I won't know until I try.  So that's what I'll set out to do...try. 

What's happening to me is life.  Go with it.